FOR THE LAST TIME

UNEDITED SAMPLE LITERARY ARTICLE
By Ma Josephine Estonilo Inocencio


The rain is falling very hard, like pieces of broken ice. And now, I can feel it on my skin. I am not shivering because I cannot feel the cold anymore. I became deaf because of the loud thunder. Because of the stunning light brought by shattered mirrors in the sky, I became blind. As the big drops of rain fall, I start to remember him again. The memories I thought were forgotten are now reminisced. Then on, I realized that he is still a part of me his silhouette captures my heart again.

Is he back? Where? In my heart or in my mind? Was I once trapped to the idea that I do not love him anymore and he should be forgotten? Why is my mind now torturing my heart? Is it true that he will not be mine…whatever happens? Is it immoral to settle my life in dreams? Is it a big gaffe to surrender the bliss I’m feeling? Is it right to leave the person I love for a person who cannot even love for just a while?

I thought everything was done. At first, I thought that I should I wail, that I should unleash my tears and feelings. I allowed the memoirs and happenings between the two of us flow. I let my heart rule over my mind until I thought that nothing would happen because I was searching for nothing. I let myself suffer the pain. My heart cried but all the tears went back to my system. I’m worn-out but it seems like his memories do not want to leave me, his scent and his wittiness would always stay beside me.

We used to share amusement discussing what we want to talk about. We never run out of topics that we would share to each other. We shared the tears we once cast because of vast disappointments in our lives. We used to dine together, while he was lying on my shoulder. He would embrace my hands like he does not want me to leave him. We used to occupy the same locker and computer. We even have the same case of our mobile phones; even the screen saver, time and backlight were the same. We were like that before. That “before”, unfortunately, would never come back.

I know there is something wrong. I love someone and he is in love with someone else. Yes, he is crying now but I do not have to use his situation for him to be mine. One thing is noteworthy; I do not want to forget him. I do not know why. I also ask my heart why. I cannot put him out of my mind and drain him from my senses.

Is the damage he inflicted on my heart that big? Is it because, even now, he is still that guy who can make me grin and make me feel that I own the world? Is it because he is still the one who can make my heart skip every time he is around? Is it because I’m falling for him once more? Is it because I am in love with him…again?

I have been with him for almost three years. Three long years, laughing with him, loving him. I have waited and longed for the moment for him to love me. I know what I am feeling right now is wrong, but I do not want to seize the chance because I am anxious to fail. Even if they label me as a coward, I am incapable to do anything.

I will let him go. I will leave the picturesque memories. I will let go of someone who is not even mine. But I would not ever forget him. I will always bring with me his scent, his smile and his aura that are all kept here in my heart.

My heart and my essence are now healed. But he left a big scar in my existence…a scar that can never be erased.

For the last time, I loved you.