LISTEN TO MY SERENADE

UNEDITED SAMPLE LITERARY ARTICLE
By Francesca Gabrielle Rodriguez Trinidad
IV-Albert Einstein


Grrrr. My stomach's doing it again - that thing that it does whenever I am nervous. This should be pretty easy, right? I mean, all I am gonna tell you is the truth. The truth I have been hiding for the past 8 months. But, how will you react to it? Is it going to be good news or bad news for you? All this thinking is making me crazy. It should not be hard. It should not be this nerve-racking, just stop making a big deal out of it.

Here you are to ruin my day again. You are coming toward me, as usual. Well, there are always two things you talk about – her, or the way you feel about her. It did not use to bug me this much. I mean, hey, it does get a little bit boring, and hurtful. What? Scratch that, I'll just leave it at boring. Yeah, it is monotonous just hearing you blab about her. It is a bit hurtful that she is all you ever think about. Sometimes I would like to talk about something else, like you, like us, our friendship, that is, or what I think about our friendship.

My foot is tapping the floor again. My hands are shaking. My mind just cannot think straight. I am stuttering. What was I going to say again? I am sure I had it memorized about two minutes ago, but then you came. Why is it that you make me feel so tense? It did not use to be this way. Has something changed? Maybe you did not. But I did. Can this be real? Do I really...........?

Am I still going to do this? It is 99.9% obvious that I will not be able to pull this off. This is only one of the numerous attempts that I have tried and none of those attempts ended up as successful. But I am tired of waiting, of always staying in the sidelines, waiting for you to fall back into me. It also hurts. I have been by your side for so long and still you fail to notice this – what I am offering you. I can love you like she does, or even better.

On the other hand, I do not want to jeopardize our friendship and everything we have gone through. That would just be so disappointing. What if you do not feel the same way? What if we are not on the same page? What will happen? All my waiting would go to waste. But if you do not feel anything for me, then why prolong the waiting? It is gonna end all the same, right? Maybe I should just get this over with. And if rejection should be the answer to my request, then I would just have to love you in secret. Oh no, I said it. LOVE. There it is. I do not know anymore. I would just say that it was just a joke then go back to hiding everything, then all this madness would start all over again.

I would look you in the eyes first, then tell you that I cherish our friendship more than anything. Then I would say, Do you know that I love you? Then most likely you would say, Yeah. Sure, tropa tayo e. But I would look at you seriously, then I would confess. I would tell you that it is not just as a friend anymore. It has evolved into such a way that my whole world revolves around you, that I think of you everyday and think of your well-being more than anyone else's, that I love you beyond all reason and understandability. Then... Ugh. This part I just cannot figure out. This part would be for you to decide whether you feel the same, or not. Well, here I go.

“Jason, may sasabihin ako sa'yo.”

“Ano yun Ches?”

And just as I was about to make the most touching, heartfelt, sincere confession of my feelings for you. There she was, on her way to see you.

“Jason! Wala kayong klase? Samahan mo naman ako.”

“Sige, sandali lang. Ches, ano yung sasabihin mo?”

My speech was now officially cut short. My momentum was gone. All that was left was my irritation, anger and hatred.

“No, it's okay. Sige, samahan mo na si Katrina. Kita-kits na lang tayo mamaya, ha?”

Then you smiled that irresistible smile. But, I am mad. No, I am furious. See? This is always what happens. Stop being her beloved puppy for Pete's sake. Mahal kita, hindi ka lang kasi nakikinig. Kahit 5 minutes lang, 5 minutes na hindi siya yung nasa isip mo, I thought to myself. These words are so familiar you know? It is the Nth time I have planned to tell you how I feel. It is also the Nth time you did not listen. If you would only listen to what I have to say, listen to my confession, listen to my feelings, listen to my serenade, then you would know that I love you beyond imagination and possibility.