SMILES AND TEARS

UNEDITED SAMPLE LITERARY ARTICLE
By Louise Michelle Estrada Arriola
IV-Sir Isaac Newton


As I looked at your picture, sudden sadness filled my heart. I looked away. I wanted to get away from anything that reminds me of you as far as possible. But then, I just couldn't resist so I looked back at that picture in which you were smiling. Involuntarily, my lips began to form a curve.

You looked so handsome in that picture. You sure got a face that can be boasted to everyone. That smile of yours can make anyone, sad or happy, smile. I yearned to hug you. But, I know that would be impossible. Even to hold your hand is impossible. The smile on my face faded as I thought of the things that can happen to us but will never happen. Tears filled my eyes. I began to cry.

These tears are just droplets of water coming out from the eyes. But once they fall, they begin to be a symbol. A symbol of loneliness, happiness, anger, fear, and pain. What do my tears mean? Am I lonely because I can never hold you in my arms? Am I happy because at least we're friends? Am I angry at myself because I keep hoping even if I know that there's no chance between us? Am I scared that I can never see you again? Or am I just in deep pain because of the fact that you will never love me?

I admit, it's really hard to talk to you. It is because I cannot say the things I really want to say. My lips want to utter the words “I love you”, but I know it is a foolish thing to do. So I just think of something else to say just so I can engage in even just a simple conversation with you. And those hi’s and hello’s coming from your lips never fail to make me smile.

You know what? My days light up when you flash that charming smile upon me. Chills run through my bones when you wave your hands and greet me with your sweetest voice. It’s as if you are speaking words of romance to me. My heart smiles with the thought that you noticed me. I don’t care what it is you say to me. I don’t care if you tease me. I don’t care if you just asked me a question. As long as you talk to me, you already make my day complete.

I began to smile again. I remembered the time when you said you liked me. I was flattered. But, I did not tell you then that I liked you, too. As time passed, you and I began to like somebody else. I even loved that somebody. Again, time passed. My heart came back to you. But yours didn't. I didn’t know I made the wrong choice not to tell you what I really feel. Once again, my smile was replaced with tears.

How long will I have to pretend that I’m happy even when I’m not? I am really in a hard time right now. I don’t want to laugh anymore even if my heart is crying inside. I don’t want to look at him and pretend that everything’s alright when nothing’s going right. I don’t want to see his smiles and know that I am not the one who’s behind his happiness. I may make him smile by making a joke but it will still hurt because it’s not his heart that’s smiling. And I could do nothing more than that.

Now, I'm crying in front of your picture. I'm not pretending anymore, right? You can see now the pain that I always brought with me. You can see now how much I want you, need you… how much I love you.

So now, I'll bid goodbye to the only one I've ever wanted. This may be hard but I know I can do it. I don't want to hurt myself anymore. But, I won't rip your photo into pieces. The photo I am holding now will well serve as a memory and a love that I once had but never returned.

I know that someday, I’ll be able to love somebody else. And I hope I will experience the love I’ve always wanted. But for now, I’ll just continue to love you. I’ll love you until I learn how to break free from the prison I’ve been in since I met you. This time, I know I am not making the same mistake by not telling you how I feel. Am I?

As I put your picture down and lie down the bed, I wiped my tears and smiled. Because I'll be dreaming about you again. In my dreams, we are always together not just as friends but as lovers. There, you nor I will never say goodbye. And there will only be smiles and tears… of joy.