FROM PASSION TO DESTRUCTION

UNEDITED SAMPLE LITERARY ARTICLE
By Ma. Inna Paulina Egamino Palaña
III - Wilhelm Conrad Roentgen


I love theater as much as I love my mom’s chopseuy, as much as I love the morning sunshine that enters my room and as much as I love music in beat that once I dreamt of directing a play that would be held in the Global Theater or in the Coliseum with roles played with the most famous actors and actresses in the world, like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie perhaps, and with audience like Stephen Spielberg, Simon Cowell, Lea Salonga or Ryan Cayabyab. Then at the end of the play, everyone would be in standing ovation, applauding loudly with immense grin in their faces, saying “Bravo! Bravo!” This concludes that I did my job perfectly. I succeeded. I thought my passion for theater would make me a better person that could help me reach what I dreamt of ever since. But I realize my passion for theater made me something I did not intend to be.

With fingers pointing at me, I accepted the most important role anyone could have - to be the playmaker. I am the director, and there is nothing I could do to change it. All trusts and responsibilities were thrown at me, and whatever the result would reflect on how I managed everything. Aware of what risks I am about to face, I still said my big bold yes in front of the thirty-seven faces. I accepted it though I still have doubts inside but I cannot obliterate the given trust bestowed upon me. They appointed me to lead them in reaching the first place award. I know I have the gift, and it was only waiting to be shared.

I have the gift of what theater really is, but I don’t have the gift on how its management would be and because of it, eyes of my crew were in smoldering state whenever we had our practice as each day passes by. Goodbye to my friends whom I called friends, for now they treated me as their greatest foe. I cannot blame anyone or be angry to anyone for I am aware of my own mistakes. I treated each of them as someone who is far behind me, someone whom I could step on, like some untouchables in India, for I became a perfectionist, and a single flaw makes me in wrath. I asked myself, could this be what having a great passion for theater can make out of you? I feel like in penitentiary every single day. My sentiments were like chopseuy, for everything was mixed which makes me often tactless of what I am doing. Everything has changed that made me reminisce every minute. I miss those days when my friends would call me for nothing. I miss those days when they will tell me how bad they feel towards a person. I miss those days when they will play pranks on me, which often make me cackle rather than being goaded. I miss those moments, but I cannot bring them back. It was too late. I ruined everything.

Though we bagged the first place and with some special awards, those weren’t enough to bring back our past relationships. I felt unaccompanied, with no one to lean on. I felt that the world has turned its back from me; for I was crying yet no one noticed it. I was crying yet no one was there to console me. I wanted to act contrite but no one was lending me their ears. From what I had experienced, I learned that everything you do is nothing if you never know how to do it by heart. It is not how well you are in a certain matter, but how well you can do it without hurting a feeling of an individual. I wanted to change, and if given a chance, I wanted to prove to them that I can change.