MY TOMORROW

UNEDITED SAMPLE LITERARY ARTICLE
By Jose Mari Hall Lanuza
IV - Enrico Fermi


“On the way down, I almost fell right through. But I held onto you.”

I was lost. I walked aimlessly at a dark corridor that seemed to have no end. I could only see the light from the exit, but it seemed as if my feet never got a step closer. It was pitch black, and I was afraid. Afraid that there would never be another tomorrow on the horizon for me, only that light from the exit. And then I woke up.

I woke up to a gray sky, as I had for the past few weeks. I woke up feeling as if I had no more left in me, as if I had nothing else to give. I woke up actually feeling sorry that I ever did. Because, for the nth time, I woke up with my heart still in a million pieces. I woke up feeling bitter about a promise that was not kept. I woke up feeling stupid that I ever let my heart win. I woke up from the same dream, but not from the cold reality.

I was in an unhealthy place. I was walking on a path that should never be treaded on by people. I always felt sorry for myself, because it seemed as if every love song had a neon sign that pointed at me, because every face I saw changed into the face that I considered my bittersweet mistake, because I was miserable but the world seemed to not care. I felt sorry because again, I made the mistake that I swore I would never commit again. But I told myself that I should not brood over something that was not meant to be. I should move on.

I did everything I could just to block the memories out of my mind. I kept myself busy so that I would not think about the past. I tried not to mind the stupid love songs. Most of the time it worked, but there were times when loneliness just crept up to me and I was helpless. But I did not let it get to me. I managed to get through those nights, determined to free myself of the heavy burden I carried. Each day I got closer to that goal, to that freedom that I have so long desired. Gradually the pain drained away from me, and I thought I was getting better. Maybe that healthy place was getting nearer. Maybe I was getting close.

The time came when I was emancipated from all the hurt that I felt. I was free now. But, to my surprise, I was still not happy. Emptiness filled the space where pain and sorrow used to be. I was empty. I found no reason to give people a smile that I could call genuine. I was like a robot that responded to others’ statements and actions, but felt nothing. I was still miserable. How complex the human heart can be.

I was now faced with a new goal. I had to make myself happy. I had to find any means of doing so. But it seemed impossible, no matter how hard I tried. I was stuck. Conversations with many people were futile, because none of it had ever gotten close to making me forget, even for just one moment, the emptiness I hid inside of me.

One day, I talked to someone very interesting. I was surprised by my own happiness caused by our simple conversation. It seemed ages since I last laughed a hearty laugh. It seemed so long ago, since I could tell myself that yes, I was happy. Our conversations continued on a daily basis. Apparently, I made her happy too. I was, for the first time, smiling because of something so simple. My face lit up when I received a text message from her. I turned around with a grin on my face whenever I heard her sweet voice. It seemed so strange. After a long time of despair and solitude, I was now smiling. Blissful. I was truly joyful.

Now, my happiness continues to burn with a million lively flames. I know of no tomorrow if it shall be spent away from her. She is the reason that I exist with a smile. Back then, I saw myself cheerful in her eyes. Now I see myself in her eyes, hopeful, that there will never come a time when the image of her eyes becomes nothing but just a distant memory.