ONLY HIM

UNEDITED SAMPLE LITERARY ARTICLE
By Karenina Isabel Apilado Lampa
IV - Michael Faraday


“If you could wish for one thing, what would you wish for?”

I wish for him. Only him.

I don’t know why it happened. I do not know why it had to be this way. One moment, we were happy. And with a blink of an eye, he was gone. I tried to reach out...to hold on. But, how could one hold on, when there’s absolutely nothing to hold on to? I was completely helpless. I didn’t know how to go on. How could I continue living, when he’s all that I know of? Call it cliché if you must, but he was my life- no...He IS my life.

Every night, when I close my eyes, all I can see are visions of the past...of our past...of how we used to be. Ever since your hand left mine, closing my eyes has become a great fear. How could I ever do it, when all it does is remind me of you?

I’ve tried desperately to move on. I’ve tried so much to live a life wherein you did not exist. But as time passed, I knew I wasn’t making any progress. You’re still here, in my memories. And it was only then that I realized, trying to live a life without you could never be. A life wherein you don’t exist, cannot be called a life at all. I’ve learned how to live only for you, so how could I ever go on?

After the first month, I gave up trying. The more I tried to forget about you...about us....the more painful it got. I knew I just had to let it heal with time. I’ve accepted the fact that I can never forget about you, but maybe, if God would be kind, he’d make me numb. Because the pain...it becomes unbearable at times. I’ve spent nights reminiscing our moments together. I’ve spent days, counting how long it would be until it reaches our number. I’ve spent hours counting how long it would be before I had to face the prospect of sleeping again. And I’ve spent seconds, looking over my back, hoping to see you there. But I knew you were gone. I knew you were never coming back.

Through it all, I hope you would heed my words. You do not have to forgive me, but I can’t live with myself, knowing that the last thing you remember me for is that I’m the girl who played with your heart.

I’m sorry if I never made a difference in you. I’m sorry if I never made you feel how much I love you. I’m sorry if I ever took you for granted. I’m sorry...I’m sorry. I know I was wrong. I know I’ve hurt you. I know that even if you have left me, you can never forgive me for all of the things I have done.

But, I truly loved you. I truly love you. I never intended to do the things that pushed you away from me. I am only human. And I’m human enough to admit that I was wrong. If only I could turn back time and undo all the things that I’ve done to hurt you, I would. But reality is, I can’t. All I can do is pathetically say sorry a million times. And I know, it will never be enough.

The hardest part is that, that one mistake I’ve done to hurt you totally shadows all our good times. If only I had showed you how much I felt for you, maybe things would not have turned out this way.

Another month has passed, and I’m still alive. I’m still breathing. It’s truly a miracle I’m grateful for. But the truth is, I still miss him. I still hope for the day wherein he would turn to me and call me his again. I wish for him...Only him.

I would give all of my tomorrows, for one yesterday. Just to be with him...even for a while. Just to be with him...