MY HORRENDOUS ENDING

UNEDITED SAMPLE LITERARY ARTICLE
By Karez Amparo Martin
IV - Michael Faraday


I had a difficult time in opening my eyes as my alarm clock rang, disturbing my sleep in the middle of its nightmare. I dreamt of him again, and yes, I consider dreams of him as nightmares. Aside from the fact that I have been crying myself to sleep last night, I have also been crying while I was having my nightmare about him. He was just across the street from me, not even bothering about glancing at me while I was staring the whole time at him. The fact that I don’t even have the courage to go and talk to him makes my heart burst into myriad pieces.

A month has passed since I had my last conversation with him. It was just an ordinary conversation between us, asking each other how our days have been, and encouraging each other for the school year is about to start. We just ran into each other online, and our locations are literally miles and miles away from each other. He is the reason why my every day last summer just passed by abruptly, for I was always excited to chat with him at the end of each day. We already watched a movie together thrice, and I knew from the first time I met him that I have fallen in love with an angel.

Chatting with him every night developed into a habit, one of my favorite habits actually. After the day we met in person, which is about two weeks after we met online, he already confessed his true feelings for me. I was shocked and I didn’t know how to answer him. But then and there, I gave in. I was too weak to resist him. He vitalized an unknown part of my heart before, and no matter how painful it is to admit, that part will always belong to him, will always be waiting for him. I cannot believe myself for I am still longing for his buzz every time I go online. I know that just a single hi from him will make me go berserk.

Apparently, we were not able to keep in touch. Weeks after our last meeting in person, he stopped replying to all my messages. I thought he was just busy. I guess I’d rather believe that way, than looking at things in another perspective. I did not know whether I should wait for him or just forget about our undefined relationship completely. It would have been best for me to choose the latter, but my heart instinctively chose the most difficult option.

You know what the worst part is? The fact that he did not even bother to bid me goodbye. I know most people dread the word goodbye, but I would have preferred the pain that word will have to offer than this. This excruciating pain that makes me wonder were my heart have gone, because I haven’t felt its normal beating since the day he left me. A closure would have made moving on an easier thing for me.

Sometimes, my reveries make me believe that something horrifying must have just happened to him. He might have been in an accident, and he will buzz me as soon as he recovers. Crazy, aren’t I? My heart won’t just accept the fact that I was already left by my first love. I was left without even knowing if he had actually departed away from me completely, without knowing his reason for doing this. I can’t help but cradle myself with tears every ghastly night of my life until I finally doze off. He caused this enormous gape inside of me, and I don’t know if this gape will ever be congested again.

I don’t understand how I am able to live and withstand every day of my life. Everyday seems just like another nightmare for me. Nothing already meant anything. I am already lifeless. My life would be like this forever, if one would even consider this as a life. I have already reached my ending, and I bet that it isn’t a happy ending at all.