IN THE EYES OF THE BEATEN

UNEDITED SAMPLE LITERARY ARTICLE
By Maylene Librando Manzano
III - Wilhelm Roentgen


In the wee hours of the night, I let myself drown into the abyss of confusion I have always kept in the depths of my soul. Letting only the light from the monitor fill my room, countless thoughts linger in my mind –not knowing where to start, not even knowing where to begin. So many things bother me. And yet, I am not even halfway through this one simple thing I ought to finish. I want to let all these emotions out of me, trying to let myself be free from the agony of keeping it all to myself. But I am afraid to.

Ever since I decided to finally make someone out of myself, everything suddenly turned from bad to worse.

From the moment I stepped into the gates of this well-known institution, I thought finally I would be free from all the judgmental people that would not ever leave me. I thought that maybe it was my time to let myself be known as the person I am and I ought to be. At that very moment, I believed it was time for me to start a new life as the real me.

But I was wrong.

As soon as I took my first step within the four corners of that vain room, I felt something is terribly wrong. Different faces came right before my very eyes. With their wintry stares, I can not help but fear what fate had in store for me in that new realm I was in. Then, the thought of my past had yet again passed my mind. With anxiousness cloaking the entire me little by little, I just let it be. I just thought maybe it was just on the first day. It was just typical.

It was not soon before I finally got used with my new life. Everything went from pale to vivid. Everything just went the way everyone liked it to be. Not even a single person in that room ever showed even a hint of a frown or a gloomy face. Everyone just seemed so ecstatic. But as the cliché goes, “Everything changes.”

Little by little, they started to get distant from me. I got so fed up with all these things. They once were with me, caught up on high. Then suddenly, I was left alone with no one to talk to, with no one to rely on. My world started to crash and burn.

Everything turned grey. Everything was not as it was supposed to be. I was so wasted and beaten at that time. I was standing on my own. It was beyond what I can have possibly imagined. I got out from their shadow and let myself be embraced with my sadness.

Things got worse when they started to pull me to my downfall. With their ruthless words and their callous accusations, I was put down to the deep hole of my misery. Anywhere I go, anything I do, they would always find a way to drag me down and tear me apart.
The thought of every single person staring at my every move made me limit myself from doing outside of what they expect me to be. It hindered me from letting the people know the person I really was. It killed me inside to know that other people saw the person I was not.

I was defeated by the fear of being hated more than I was before. I never fought back. I was too afraid to stand for myself, too frightened by what they might do to me. I just let them take my life that was once grasped in my hands. From that moment on, I lost my life.

Then I wondered. Is being true to oneself a lethal thing to do? From time to time, I had never stopped asking myself the same question. But I would just always end up drowning myself into my tears from my bloodshot eyes.

Now as I look back on how I was before, I now realize how foolish I was –letting other people step on my ego and let them take the life out of me. I was weak back then. I cannot even stand for my own. I was never a fighter.

As I stroll down memory lane, I can not help but think about that harsh nightmare I was once in. But if I have not been in that situation, I do not know where I am right now. If not for their cruel words, I would not learn how to fight. I would not learn how to face the world without fear in my eyes. I would not be able to live my life once again.

Facing these problems would never be easy –never in a lifetime. But then you must learn how to stand on your own two feet. Never let others take the life that is yours. Learn how to fight for yourself. And most of all, be you.