HE IS STILL THE REASON WHY I AM HERE

UNEDITED SAMPLE LITERARY ARTICLE
By Carisse Anne Apelo Modesto
IV - Enrico Fermi


Few weeks after my mom gave birth to me, I was already away from my family. People say that my life is just like those of the fairy tales that children often read. It just sounded like it is, but I don’t really think that it really is, and I believe that I was never being maltreated like they were.

Well, actually, I haven’t experienced living with my family for a long period of time. I was away from them. I live with my mom’s brother and his wife; they were my aunt and uncle. I am the third of the four girls. My parents were actually separated few years after my youngest sister was born. They really went through a lot of arguments and that really is where it should lead them. Unlike my mother, I seldom see my father; I was never really close to him. The first time he actually visited me in our house was when I was around nine years old. Over all, it was not more that ten times that he visited me through his existing years.

Whenever he visits me, I don’t actually talk to him. I really had a cold shoulder on him like my siblings. I think we all were disappointed with him and what he has done. Honestly, I haven’t gotten any clue about what had happened to their relationship that lead them to a misfortune. My grandmother just tells me about the wrong things that my father has done. Before, I never really accepted the fact that I have a broken family because of him. That is the reason why I don’t talk to him at times when he visits me.

They always tell me that I am a mean girl for doing such to my father. But, I always remember the things that they told me about him and my belief that he is bad never really changed.

During the time of my elementary graduation, I felt one of the most stupid things that I have done. I was the numbest person that has existed that day. I was so annoying, I know. I did the craziest things. I had not acknowledged my parents though they were there to support me. My mom was there after the ceremony and I had almost disregarded and I know that it made her feel really bad. When I got home, my father was there, I never did talk to him that day, I never approached him. I hurt their feelings, but I never cared to ask for forgiveness or what. But now, I really am sorry for what I have done. I was arrogant and indiscipline.

After few months, we knew that my father was really ill. We visited him at a hospital in Cavite. It was really hard for him, his siblings and their mother because they did not have the money to pay enough for the hospital bills, he was already bed- ridden. I felt bad for him. But I was not that sad. I don’t know why, but maybe, it is cause of all the knowledge that I knew about him. We did not stay long in hospital because my younger sister and I were very eager to go to the mall. See? I really am mean.

After few weeks, we visited him at their house because they said that he was already suffering too much. We were all complete. Even my mom was there, my aunt and my uncle, my grandmother, his close friends, his godson and the four of us girls. We can see that he really is having a hard time. But, he was eager to see all of us. I already forgave him that time. He still is my father and no one could replace him.

At the dawn of the 9th of October, 2005, God already took my father away from me. Maybe, he decided to get him because we were bad and it was hard for him or maybe because we have forgiven him. I heard that bad news before proceeding to school. I cried a lot. I felt the pain and the rush of the pumping blood in my heart. It had sank in. my father was already sleeping and he would never wake up, never again.

At this point in time, I really am feeling stupid for what I have acted. He still is my father and that would never change. I should be thankful for him, because he is the reason why I’m here. I am thankful for him and I am sorry. I should have been good enough.

Maybe, it was on His purpose, because he never make me feel the pain of losing my father, I may not have been able to forgive him until now. God really is good.